© 𝕾𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖍 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖗𝖆
Part 3 of 5:
A variation of the Bitter Chimps is also known to organizational biologists as the Howler monkeys. Bitter Chimps may be low-key but the Howlers exhibit overt unsocial behavior towards their peers. They reserve their snarks, snarls and sneers for those others now in possession of similar tire-twisting, banana peeling or cartwheeling bag of tricks. These expressions are, of course, displayed even most effectively by the Howlers behind the scenes in the absence of other Chimps. The Howler monkeys are not interested in learning any new tricks themselves (like swinging from a rope, wielding two-by-four) and are very protective of their tire twisting expertise.
Given a choice between changing their minds (on any topic) vs. looking for proof as to why they should not, a Bitter Chimp will start looking for proof immediately. Every time. This is a well-known truth-test to identify a Bitter Chimp. The Bitter Chimps grow more resentful and bitter as the days go by. Management no longer throws them any bananas because everyone has gotten wise to their shenanigans. Some Bitter Chimps eventually quit the company to start their own BitChiCons (Bitter Chimp Consultancies) and accept payments in BitChiMoolah.
Some Chimps, after doing almost no to little soul-searching at this stage, abandon all pretense of becoming future technical leaders. After some two-day / four-week / six-month Blitz / Training / Incarceration, they acquire the coveted Monkey Biz Advanced (MBA) degree from the local B(aboon)-Schools. Armed and dangerous with bullet-points, these Chimps climb a notch in the pecking order to become classified as Baboons. One can watch the early Chimp days of these Baboons-to-be and spot obvious signs of transformation. They do lots of dog’n’pony shows, coordinate and organize, volunteer as company tour guides and hone their skills at curling the upper lip – smile or snarl - at the right time. With the steady work maintaining the bedazzling Baboon dentures, their dentists are a happy bunch. These Baboons-to-be are the ones that own more than one nice suit.
The Baboons spend a lot of time at work reading personal e-mail and forwarding WhatsCrapp or FarceBook posts to other Baboons-to-be – it is called (Baboo)Networking. The earlier they start, the more successful they are in moving away from the skunkworks (where work is allegedly done) to the corporate office (where decisions are allegedly made).
The Baboons can whip up PowerBullet slides before you could say "Jumping Jehosphat!" They list incorrect assumptions, do gap analyses over power lunches keeping the accounting trolls awake. Most are professional meeting attendees and stay trim hopping from one to the other clutching their electronic planners and mumbling vague platitudes.
They do have the prettiest and most colorful chartjunk. The Baboons keep the keep the ink cartridge suppliers in business with the color copiers humming. With deceptive ease and finesse, they can slip phrases like “connect the dots, cross the eyes and dot the tees” into ordinary conversations and talk process-value-eco-system-stream of the agile facile puerile prehensile fractals. Their leisure time is now spent on the golf courses caddying for the Gorillas (see later). The Baboons are the ones in any company who are assigned the most difficult tasks of dreaming up the corporate buzzwords and cooking up the corporate "soup du jour” to be fed to the lower monkey.
Since they no longer are part of technical organization, we’ll dispense with this class of monkeys for now…
© 𝕾𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖍 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖗𝖆
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