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Gorillas In Our Midst 

© 𝕾𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖍 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖗𝖆

Part 4 of 5

Some of the Chimps but many of the Baboons mysteriously achieve the status of Hairy Gorillas. The Hairy Gorillas get together and talk about the “needing to fix the system” and “don’t fix if it ain’t broke” in the same sentence. They challenge lower monkeys to make “data based decisions” without “clouding the issues with data”.  Admonish others about “analysis paralysis”. Their brain-storming sessions are now held off the company premises in country clubs where they can work uninterrupted on wonderful new para-diddles over three-martini lunches.

The Gorillas are passionate about making their part of the organization “world class”.  They desperately cling to the belief that their technical skills are still sharp. That they can make the average Organ grinders and the Chimps “work smarter not harder”. Their voice is heeded in the organization, due to fear factor and the unfounded belief that “we need to feed the monkey and it will go away”, a very dangerous myth.

In the entire un-recorded history of the corporate primates, never have any monkeys so fed have ever faded away. Rather, they have promptly assumed gargantuan appetites for all available bananas. Plus all the peanuts currently allocated for the entire company. Think the alien plant Audrey, “Feed me!” from Little Shop of Horrors. The Gorillas hob-nob, they decide, they ponder and pontificate, they restate mission statements after much contemplation of their navels. They pat each other on the back about improving organizational efficiencies through N Blinding Principles (N is computed by highly paid random number generators hired from MONKINSEY). The  Blinding Principles, quite obvious to everyone else but the Gorillas, are then reintroduced to the organization every few years - (The Grand Re)Vision, (The Glaring O)Mission - with much fanfare. The Gorillas wave the magic wand, the Chimps and Organ-grinders scurry around looking busy while the Baboons dream up colored charts and whip out yardsticks to measure increased something or the other. Perfect examples of Brownian Motion.

A particular nasty kind among the Gorillas is the Gorilla with Brass Ones. Most organizations have at least one. They are dangerous for the majority of the organization since they are very good at flinging dung with great force at others and turning the most carefully laid out work-plan into confetti. Having graduated from twisting bicycle tires to truck tires (read “your career”) and hardened from banging against the bars of their cages, they relish such activities. Favorite phrases of Brass Ones include “existential crisis of the company / division / group”. Having attended too many crisis management seminars, they are the non-techie decision makers in technical reviews – asking about “Risk / Reward”, “High / Low”, “Is / Should” charts, based on wrong assumptions and complete lack of insight. When crossed or challenged, they enjoy showing off their brass ones clanging them loudly in public. If any technical organization has more than one, they fight each other until one emerges a clear victor. The rest either subjugate themselves and form part of the inner circle of Hairy Gorillas or are forced to leave the company. Legends in their own minds, the Brass Ones enjoy being nasty to everyone in general (except to the other monkeys higher up in the food chain) - just because they can be. 

(To Be Continued...)

 
© 𝕾𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖍 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖗𝖆

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