Sunday, July 20, 2025

Memories Not Erased

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A recent exchange with a classmate took me swiftly back to the heady days of late-70s IIT KGP, when bell-bottoms roamed free, the sideburns were thick and long, where scraggly mustaches were sported with pride, and the shirt collars resembled floppy beagle ears. The greasy smell of fresh samosas shingaras & vegetable chops chaaps hung thick over Tech Market. The two ME classmates, myself and AT, had lived parallel lives, were now united by the shared struggle of Lab reports, ET Tutorials, slinging those 20-lb sledgehammers in Forging workshop, the endless home-works, etc. Filling those brown PT files with acceptable 3B (Blah Blah Blah) stretching over multiple PT sheets was the goal. The eternal paper chase was familiar from early childhood to both of us, and with that, the unending hunt for the right stationery that didn't make ink-stains spread, nor cause perforations instead of punctuations from sharp pencils and nibs, the main weapons of our generation prior to the arrival of ball-point pens. I recall the grave and disapproving look from my teacher, Sri H.N. (Aichan) Singh bemoaning about how it would ruin our penmamship. Content quality took apparently a secondary spot for him, content quantity and appearance were primary and paramount. 

AT, a bona fide campus kid, knew KGP like the handlebars of his new Hercules. From the faculty quarters, he had the sort of insider knowledge that made him the de facto guru to all things Tech Market. He had grown up on Thackers. The legendary shack, part shop, part archaeological dig, stacked to the ceiling and lit by a flickering tubelight, had been his go-to since childhood. It stocked everything from books to PT files to notebooks, even those mysterious  grey market, "Parker" jotter refills that leaked with a sense of purpose. Mr. Thacker knew their family well. They were steady customers and accorded due courtesy, unlike the curt nods to any on-campus students visiting his store.

I hailed from a distant town where Kailash Stores reigned supreme, a magical establishment that sold dreams. The owner, Mr. Sharma Sr. always greeted my father warmly and personally attended to us during our visits, leaving other customers to his son, literally Sharmaji ka beta, and the other staff. Besides the textbooks and other school supplies of minor importance, my most coveted possessions in those early years were a Koh-i-Noor pencil, a shiny Camlin geometry box, and the stuff of legends: a fragrant green'n'white eraser with a cartoon character.

It wasn’t just any eraser. It was The Eraser. It smelled heavenly. A treasure that evoked raw envious looks from other kids during those salad days. Like from Samir "Scooter" Singh, the bounder. The rotter was fast and agile on the football field, hence the moniker Scooter or SS. The utter cad. Yes, most likely, you also an SS character menacing your life on and off the football field,  arch-nemesis since Grade 4, LLB, the Lord of the Last Bench. 

AT had paid a visit to KGP in Dec 2013. Thackers, in a  testament to its location and longevity, were still there! Same shack, same location, same size, same layers of dust. Tech Market always had a chaotic village sabji mandi feel, with those little tin-roofed shacks. Apparently, it still retained that post-apocalyptic rustic charm in 2013. Like every shop was built using leftover workshop scraps from the Institute. Thackers looked untouched since ’60s. Same faded "CAMLIN" poster. Even the cobwebs seemed original. Plus รงa change, plus c’est la mรชme chose.  With all the e-books and online material, they probably didn’t sell half the stuff they used to. But both the store and the Tech Market seem to continue to survive.

I only ever went to Thackers in full-blown panic mode, adrenaline pumping, pedaling his rattling chariot, a Rayleigh. For those "Oh, $hit, is it due tomorrow?!" assignments needing PT file fillers, graph papers, and those oversized, infernal large white sheets needed during those 5 long semesters of ME Drawing misery. Oh man, those sheets! Never once did any of them roll up properly. You’d put rubber bands around them, secure them, and the dang sheets would wiggle free and spill out of your shoulder bag, taking the ungainly T-square along as you were merrily tooling down on Scholars Ave, halfway to the Institute. Sigh.

Back home for me, Kailash Stores was THE store. It had everything. My entire early academic career could have been sponsored by them. Oh, the joy of buying that one new Koh-i-Noor pencil, and, mmmm, yes… that eraser. 

It had a two-tone look, green at one end, white at the other, and the feel of opulence. Scented. Pure luxury. Until SS stole it. I fumed and burned at the devastating loss. But Sr Carmella wouldn't entertain any complaints just with circumstantial evidence.  Gut-feelings and anecdotes of SS's prior perfidy and assorted villainous behavior weren't enough. A stolen eraser and a lifetime of trauma. Some wounds never heal.

Those were the Glory Days of Analog Survival. AT swore by Thackers. I romanticized Kailash Stores. Both AT and myself, I suspect, knew well the feeling of sheepishly following out fathers to these stationery stores, him muttering some dire admonition barely suppressed, five minutes before it closed, desperate for that single last-minute item that could prevent academic annihilation.

And somehow, mysteriously, Thackers / Kailash Stores always had that one item in stock. Usually hidden under a decade-old invoice pad and a dusty bottle of glue, Mr. Thacker / Mr. Sharma managed to hunt it down and brandish it with a dramatic flourish of a magician.

On AT's last visit, he stood fascinated by the seeming permanence of Thackers. Same chipped faux wooden counter. Same sleepy setting, perhaps with Thacker Jr. in-charge. Same ghost of a stapler sitting proudly in the glass case like a museum artifact.

An acquaintance wrote back recently that Kailash Stores is still in existence, too. But now they sell selfie sticks and phone covers also. Childhood’s officially over, man. 

Fifty years later, those ME drawings, the hatches of Sections, and 3rd angle projections of weird 3D industrial shapes have blurred. The dusty piles of PT files with the yellowed, crumbling PT sheets have long been discarded. But in the corners of their minds, both of us still carry the heady scent of new books, notebooks & other supplies at Thackers / Kailash Stores... and of that one unfair eraser heist that shaped someone's lifetime. Five decades later, I can't look at a scented eraser without muttering, “Bloody SS…”

Scenes of life lived long ago now bubble up infrequently, scripted by shared laughter and formed over collective trauma. A few memories surface unexpectedly from casual text exchanges between classmates, one a native Kgpian & an adoptive Nehruite, the other a native Nehruite & an adoptive Kgpian, over the bittersweet recollections of the special ambiance of special bookstore treasure troves and... the sweet, fresh fragrance of that special eraser still vivid amidst the rapidly dimming fog of  fading memories.

Sunday, July 6, 2025

The Masla of Masala Chai

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by Ms Chai “Tea” Patti, with Ms Chaiwali Ka Pati

They say brewing masala chai is an ancient, sacred ritual, passed down like temple secrets from mothers to daughters over eons. But when any hapless husband, especially an IITian, dares to “reverse engineer” the process, the outcome is less “ancestral wisdom” and more “abstract modern art”: baffling, messy, and entirely subject to the Ms. Always Right’s (AR) gleeful, unrelenting peer review.

The saga begins with the Right Utensil Selection. Unsuspecting IITian Husband (IH) proudly pulls out a pan from an impressive collection of pots & pans, chest swelling with the confidence of a man who once cracked JEE. Wrong! “Why this one?” The Cucina Queen (CQ) sniffs. “It’s too small, it’ll boil over.” No problem. IH upsizes to a larger one. CQ narrows her eyes: “Why waste gas, heating all that empty steel?” Congratulations, Sri JEE topper jee , crash and burn, even before ignition. Apparently, tucked in a remote dark place, there was the Goldilocks size pan, in between Too Small & Too Big. Mysteries of life!

Next, the Water-to-Milk ratio. IH pours water in the Right pan, adding milk, eyeballing the fascinating mixing phenomenon with the bravado of the one who had once mastered second integrals. “Aha,” the Culinary Empress (CE) pounces. “Too much water! This isn’t sherbet. And why did you add milk now? Why?? That comes only after two (or is it three) boils of water & chai... do you ever listen to me?"

"And the wrong milk! Skim only! Not 2%! Not full-fat!!” CE sputters and shudders. “Instant obesity, lifelong guilt, and a nasty film at the bottom of the pan that would need much scrubbing." SYSTEM ERROR starts flashing in IH's brain like the malfunctioning VTVMs of ET Labs with no "Voltage Tapping" Hammer in sight.

Then comes the Main Ingredient, the tea. IH, showing off his refined taste (from vague recollection of the late night Hall Canteen sessions), reaches for the finest loose-leaf Darjeeling (or was it Wagh Bakri?) in the pantry. Fatal mistake. Kitchen Goddess (KG) gasps as if he just drizzled ketchup on biryani. “Darjeeling? For masala chai? Didn’t they teach you the most basic life skills? Did you learn anything at that place… this Kgp?!” The undisputed and unwritten rule of masala chai is crystal clear to everyone else but IH: true masala chai requires a sacred dust-and-leaf blend in secret proportions, known only to wives, daughters, MiL's, and nosy aunties who appear uninvited to dispense unsolicited advice. The right color, heady aroma, and tantalizing taste can not be achieved through ordinary powers, only mystic kitchen calibration. And measurement? Forget it. The gold standard is three (or four?) of KG’s precise fingertip pinches, not found in any Metrology textbooks.

On to the Masala. IH sprinkles ginger powder, cardamom seeds, and cloves with the dramatic flourish of a man staging a TED Talk. She recoils in horror. “Ai yai yaeee! Fresh ginger nahin dala? Elaichi aur lavang ke sath, freshly crushed, woh flavor & fragrance, dry powder mรฉ nahin hota! Who makes masala chai like this!? You’ve turned it into an IIT chem lab demo. Chai should whisper... masala, not scream like a teenage boy's body spray.” IH dials back the spice, she sighs: “Then why even call it masala chai? This is just hot milky ditchwater cosplaying as chai.”

Then the Boil. IH watches, proud of the bubbling brew, like  Nehru Ka Tempo High Hai, reverberating on Scholars Ave. Easy peasy, muses the ex-IITian. The Social Director (SD) hovers nearby, eyes narrowed. “Don’t you dare let it spill,” she warns, as one rogue bubble apparently can trigger global collapse. If he lowers the flame too early: “This is not how you extract flavor. Tsk.” Too late? “Congratulations, you’ve murdered the tea leaves. May their soul rest in peace.” Apparently, two and a half or three-quarters (!?) boils (who else here knows about this "fractional" boil concept, chaps?!) with dynamic, real-time control of the flame on the second from the largest size burner.

Finally, the Pour. IH strains with surgeon-like focus. Domestic Diva (DD) tut tuts. “Too fast, it splashes. Too slow, it dies a bitter death before the cup. Do  you even know how to pour properly?”

At last, steaming cups are presented. IH beams, expecting applause, confetti, fireworks. Maybe a ticker-tape parade. Da Boss sips, she pauses for maximum drama, then delivers the verdict:

“Well, not bad… for an IITian. But Mrs. Sharma’s husband down the street, he's a non-IITian, mind you, ummm... You should ask him for his secret.”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the eternal truth: no matter how many degrees an IH might collect, engineering, economics,  astrophysics, from any and all academic institutions including WhatsCrapp U, when it comes to chai, they will forever remain a dazed and confused fresher stuck in remedial training, under the tart-tongued professor. All the while, the "Samosรฉ garam nahin kiya?" question hangs in the air unanswered...

Notes:

I was told to assure everyone that "this doesn't reflect our personal relationship" and is "entirely fictional." Any resemblance to a real-life IITian / non-IITian couple is purely coincidental. No IH egos were (permanently) bruised during this episode.