BREAKING! NOTHING HAPPENED!

© by 𝕾𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖍 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖗𝖆

forwarded many times as received... (with huge apologies to Gartner Inc. and their famous Hype Cycle)

The WhatsCrapp Hype Cycle 

by Sri Purple Laxative 

Grand Pooh-Bah, SnarkAnalytics Inc.

OMG! Nothing just happened! It SHOCKED the internet. It ROCKED unsocial media. It WENT VIRAL... SENT USERS INTO A FRENZY. It left millions not merely surprised, because clickbait has long since beaten simple surprise out of us, but absolutely FLABBERGASTED, DUMBFOUNDED, CONFOUNDED, GOBSMACKED, and apparently we are unable to function without forwarding it 37 times.

We're no longer allowed to simply like Nothing. We are AWED, BEDAZZLED, ASTONISHED, MESMERIZED, STAGGERED, ENCHANTED, and left UTTERLY SPEECHLESS while somehow producing a 14-emoji laden thread explaining exactly how speechless we are. Completely at a loss of words!!! Need some REELs, to go with the text that would bamboozle most spell-checks. With maniac cackling laugh-track!

Likewise, Nothing can merely be criticized. It must be SLAMMED, EVISCERATED, OBLITERATED, ANNIHILATED, DEMOLISHED, TORCHED, DRAGGED, EXPOSED, SCHOOLED BY LASER-EYES and metaphorically launched into the sun.

Nothing no longer has just a ho-hum existence. Nothing SOARS, SKYROCKETS, EXPLODES, SHATTERS RECORDS, REWRITES HISTORY, CHANGES THE GAME, BREAKS THE INTERNET, and ALTERS THE COURSE OF HUMAN CIVILIZATION as we know it.

A mere Nothing? A CATASTROPHIC MELTDOWN. A DEVASTATING BLUNDER. Nothing's lukewarm review becomes a BRUTAL TAKEDOWN. A routine disagreement over Nothing becomes an ALL-OUT WAR that THROWS THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY INTO CHAOS. 

Every reaction is "stunning." Every development is "massive." Every announcement is "bombshell." Every rumor is "explosive." Every prediction is "terrifying." Every outcome is "unprecedented," despite Nothing occurring for the seventeenth time this month.

And heaven forbid anyone simply learn something. Nothing is simply discovered anymore. We uncover BOMBSHELL REVELATIONS, MIND-BENDING TRUTHS, EARTH-SHATTERING SECRETS, and ONE or THREE WEIRD TRICKS that experts with many esoteric academic degrees and professional qualifications supposedly HATE and DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW.

The internet has become an arms race of previously forgotten invectives and newly coined pejoratives. Clickbait has inflamed every emotion until ordinary human reactions became obsolete. We can't just be curious; we must be obsessed. We can't just be disappointed; we must be outraged. We can't just be interested; we must be absolutely, completely, unimaginably, life-alteringly blown away.

Tune in tomorrow for another Nothingburger story which will stun, shock, rock, ignite, spark, crush, destroy, expose, obliterate, soar, explode, implode, dominate, and redefine everything forever.

And we'll all be there forwarding another JAW DROPPING "Nothing"