The Doh-Mi-Note's Pizza Quest
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Happy Pi Day, 3/14/2020!
Blast from the past - spring 2012, as I vaguely recall while I was visiting family in New Delhi. Over the weekend, my sister wanted to have some of the oh-so-bubbly, delicious, golden-brown 3-cheese pizza being blitzed on the airwaves by Domino's. Who were we, I and my BiL, to say no to Pizza?! Sure thing, let's go!
There was supposedly a Domino's in Connaught Place - THE shopping area in New Delhi (don't throw rotten tomatoes at me, I confess I still don't know the local hot-spots). Around 6pm, the three of us piled into a car driven by a very friendly and burly Sikh gentleman.
After a bit of driving around, we found the Dominos in CP which turned out to be a take-out place (or, in Indian English, at "take-away" place). Since we wanted to sit and enjoy our dinner in a restaurant, my BiL asked the nice fella behind the counter about the closest sit-down Domino's. I kept thinking that the concept of Domino's in NA is around delivery or take-out, not sit-down restaurant like Pizza Hut. Never you mind. We were boldly going where none had gone before.
The bored individual at the counter grew even more disinterested when he figured we were not paying customers at his establishment. He barely glanced at us and told us that the nearest other one was 20-25 minutes away... or more, in some market or mall or a shopping strip, in Defense Colony. And he gave us precise directions (two fly-overs, after the second one, get-off the flyway, cross the nullah (ditch), double back by that big tree, and "it's right there at the corner", haanjee).
We drove... and drove and drove. Crossed two fly-overs and stopped in an area that looked like a vaguely deserted parking area except for an attendant and his few pals having a passionate sing-a-long with the boombox going at the highest volume. Our driver asked the locals for directions - one fine fellow inspecting the local wall turned around and said, "Arre, bhai, Narula Us Kone Pe Hai (Narula is at/around the corner)".
"Oye, Nahin ji, woh Narula Nahin. Peeja Hutt", our driver insisted. "No, no, Pizza Hut nahin, Dominos!", said my BiL. Now our driver picked up on what we were looking for. With a thick Sikh accent, he let loose a torrent in the local lingo - a mish-mash of punjabi / hindi / haryanwi - I wish I had a recording of the audio - it was mellifluous.
The only thing I understood through the conversation was him asking for "Doh-mi-Note peeja" which our driver repeated several times loudly over the boombox. With as much emphasis as he could muster with his turbaned head and his vigorous right hand stabs in the air. The parking attendant, having gotten thoroughly confused or bored by this time and said "D'oh, Nnahin hai Doh-Mi-Note's yehan". No Domino's. Two of his pals immediately disputed his knowledge of the local area and another lively discussion ensued amongst themselves with much head bobble, violent gestures in opposite directions and scornful and skeptical comments, until we got consensus on another set of directions, sure, follow this.
So we drove in one direction, stopped again and asked another fellow. This time, the answers were - "Haanjee, udhar jao peeja ke liye", indicating the opposite of the directions given to us. Now the adventure was on. "Peeja?", sure there was a Narula's. No no, not Narula's... here we go again. We meandered through some some very narrow gullies and residential areas. We drove over a couple of more flyways. We went across several nullahs. We drove by a few shopping areas, strip malls and food establishments. In short, we went over the rivers and through the woods, as the song says about going to grandma's house for Christmas - directed by ever confusing set of directions from multiple human GPS's along the way. Fly-over flew by. Nullahs overflowed. Bypasses were by-passed. The long road never taken before was taken... and...We finally did arrive at a Domino's, which was - you guessed it, a take-away place!
We did order and did enjoy some pizza (not bad) around 10:00pm, with garlic bread and some soft drinks. They had a couple of plastic tables and a few chairs that they brought out for us in an open area nearby. Alongside the food, we watched some real-life drama as a couple of unhappy customers who came by to pick up their pizzas and got into some discussions regarding the quality and quantity of toppings on their orders - with appropriate references to higher authorities, powerful politicians, each other's religious leanings and the local police. They finally left after exchanging colorful descriptions of the establishment and having established previously undiscovered family connections and legitimacy of ancestral roots of each other.
We kept telling each other that the adventure is something to remember. Our driver told us on the way back that this was the very FIRST time in his life that he had had enjoyed peeja and seemed very happy.
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