The North-South Calcutta Divide: A Guide.

by Ms. Chatty G Patty (90%+ AI, the rest NS)

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Architecture & Space:

South Calcutta (SoCal):  

Wide roads, balconies with glass doors, and building names ending in -niketan, -enclave, or -heights. The buildings rise vertically, much like their residents’ eyebrows when someone suggests eating phuchka from anywhere north of Shyambazar.

North Calcutta (NoCal):  

Old rajbari's with courtyards that drip history and pigeons droppings. Verandas that sag with age and dignity, walls stained with both time and betel juice. A single house could shelter three generations, four cats, and enough secrets to fill a Bengali soap opera.

People & Posture:

SoCal:  

The average resident has a yoga mat, a tote bag from Oxford Bookstore, and very strong feelings about single-origin coffee. They refer to the North as “more traditional” in the same tone one might use to describe preserved lizards in a museum.

NoCal: 

People here sit ...differently. They lounge, they sprawl, they squat on wooden stools, all while delivering a monologue on why Uttam Kumar could never be outdone. There’s an aura of laid-back style, like intellectuals on sabbatical... since 1974.

Fashion Forward—or Backward:

SoCal:  

Fabindia, handwoven scarves, and a tendency to dress like they might be featured in a magazine called Bong Bohemian Monthly. Think muted earth tones and experimental jhumka's.

NoCal:

Nighties in broad daylight. Retro lungi's. And the occasional starched dhuti-wearing man who looks like he walked out of a black-and-white Tollywood film set. Why fix what’s not broken since 1950?

Food Philosophy:

SoCal:  

Organic, home-ground, sourced from the hills. Even the jhaal muri is curated. Their phuchka wallah wears gloves. They eat dim pauruti ironically and quinoa earnestly.

NoCal:

Food is sacred and portion-controlled only by the size of the plate. There’s no “snacking,” only “pét bhorey khetey hoy.” You want phuchka? You better be willing to elbow out three ravenous teenagers and a stray dog for it.

Cultural Kalchural Capital:

SoCal:  

They go to do art galleries. They discuss avant garde films that haven’t even been released yet. They take themselves seriously and their culture even more seriously. They refer to North Calcutta as the "soul" of the city but wouldn’t be caught dead living there.

NoCal:  

They are the art gallery. From century-old mandir's to ancient typewriters still in use, culture isn’t curated, it’s fermented and stored in tin trunks. If South Kolkata is a Tagore poem, North is a Nabarun Bhattacharya rant scribbled on a tea-stained napkin.

Durga Puja:

SoCal:  

Theme pujos. Concept art. International lighting artists. If there’s not a QR code on the pandal, did it even happen?

NoCal:  

“Theme-taam ekhane cholbe na.” Traditional idols. Loud dhaaks. One communal bhog queue that could rival any Kumbh mela. The idols here stare straight into your soul and silently judge your new age aesthetics.

Fitness Goals:

SoCal:  

Spotted: A jogger in Jodhpur Park wearing an Apple Watch, Lululemon knockoffs, and sipping on a turmeric protein smoothie. South Kolkata wakes up early to manifest health. The gyms have Zumba, Pilates, and instructors named Rocky, who quote Rumi mid-plank.

NoCal:  

Fitness is not a destination. It’s a myth. The only cardio is climbing three flights of stairs in an ancestral home because there’s no lift and never will be. Step count? “I went to the sabji bazaar twice, that’s enough.” Youngsters would have palpitations just thinking about the ghee-soaked kochuri breakfasts.

Digital Life:

SoCal:  

Their Instagram is curated. Filters are minimalist, captions poetic. Hashtags like #AddaWithAmra or #ShonarBanglaVibes. If they post food, it’s avocado toast with a Tagore quote.

NoCal: 

They’re on WhatsApp and still send Good Morning!!!!!! messages with pixelated roses. Profile photo: them at Kumartuli in 2003. No reels, only rants. Farcebook is alive and thriving, and so is their anger at Zomato’s delivery radius.

Parenting Styles:

SoCal: 

Helicopter parenting. Gluten is the villain. Screen time is monitored. Kids are in robotics, ballet, and tabla all before lunch. Their birthday parties have sugar-free cake and a sustainable return gift.

NoCal:  

“Ei, jaa! Shorir bhanga jabe na!” Kids are raised on street cricket, phuchka immunity, and the occasional open-palm parenting on their behinds. Parenting here is a community project: your neighbor can and will discipline you. With love.

Sustainability Talk:

SoCal: 

Sips green cha while discussing carbon footprints. Grows microgreens on their windowsill. Has an active compost bin and anxiety about sea levels.

NoCal:  

"Plastic ta thik koré fold koré rékhé dé. Poré kajé lagbé.” Sustainability has always existed here. it just wasn’t marketed. Every Horlicks jar is reused, every sari becomes a quilt, and no one ever throws out a steel dabba. Everyone would admire this thrift until they saw the fried beguni inside.

Weekend Plans:

SoCal:  

Brunch at Sienna Café. Book browsing at Story. Maybe a heritage walk in Ballygunge, guided by someone named Riddhi who teaches a meditation course in Loreto.

NoCal:  

Saturday means maachh bhaat, an argument with the neighbor over window grilles, and watching Apur Sansar for the 47th time. They don’t “plan weekends”—they live in them.

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So if anyone ever tried to gentrify North Calcutta, he’d be chased off by a dada in a ganjee lungi ensemble, waving a jagged piece of coconut shell. And if he tried to shame South Kolkata for their effete oat milk lattes, they'd smile politely and block him on Instagram.

Two cities, One soul. One City, Two Souls. In the end, it’s not really a rivalry. It’s a beautiful dysfunctional family. North is the ancestral home with crumbling walls and invincible charm. South is the posh cousin who installs solar panels and gives TED Talks on sustainability. They bicker, they mock, but at heart, they’re two halves of the same mishti doi-soaked lav-letter that defies all logic.

© 𝕾𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖍 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖗𝖆